Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Maybe he just has a boisterous penis

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(301): View more from Maryland

Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.

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(512): View more from Texas

Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.

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(325): View more from Texas

I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award

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