so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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