i would punch a child for taco bell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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