All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
