Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize