There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
