if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
