Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did i walk over a car last night?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
