My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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