I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
