He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
