i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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