If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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