i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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