I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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