Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
