Welp...herpes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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