I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
