Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize