it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just invented taco cereal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
