super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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