i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
