I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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