Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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