Don't make out with my wife yet
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
