so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
