she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
