So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've blown a few things in my day
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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