I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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