TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
