i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
