Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I color on your dick again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
