i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
