god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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