you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
