Pants 0. Shit 1.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
