Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
