who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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