We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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