R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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