When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
