Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
one two three fourrrrnication!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
