so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
