420 ftw
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
