We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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