Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
