I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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