Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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