I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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