Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize