I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
