i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
