Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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