Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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