I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girls should come with a carfax report
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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