Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
