Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
