There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
