On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize