I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
