what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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