Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
