Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
