I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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