If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
