what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
