I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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