I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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