Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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