i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
