Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
