i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
