Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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