I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
