Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize