Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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