i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
