ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
