She's JV to your varsity
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
