I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
