I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
